Pimp Your Goat - December 18, 2021




So what do you do when you have a handsome Alpine goat with a harem? Do you let him have free reign and unfettered goats with exponential baby goats or do you try to do something about it? I thought about drawing the graph for the exponential growth of the herd, but I figured that would be too math-y and I have had a heckuva week and am over spreadsheets and graphs anyways. So back to the goat with the harem.


He is the happiest goat in all the land. His home had been damaged and he was able to escape and be free with his harem instead of only visiting them when the humans allowed him to. This is his new reality: His name is Sweethorn and as far as he is concerned is he the lord of all that he sees. He has a herd he runs with iron horns and acreage he oversees daily. A few humans occasionally show up and offer him tribute but he pays them no attention unless they offer him that tempting ambrosia the humans call sweet feed.


He has an exponentially increasing kingdom. He can see that this is good. Sweethorn is content. No, Sweethorn is happy with his lot in life. However, the humans are not happy. Their tributes grow thin and they grumble about how often they must come out to feed the ever-growing results of Sweethorn's bountiful loins. They begin bringing out less of the sweet ambrosia and begin bringing out the much-maligned hay. Sweethorn begins to become disgruntled with his human sycophants. His human sycophants begin to become disgruntled with him.


The humans devise a way to depose Sweethorn from his throne. Not forever, just for a time until they can thin out his herd and get it back to a more manageable size and fix Sweethorn's home so he cannot escape it anymore. This plan would actually make Sweethorn very happy if only humans and goats could communicate.


Sweethorn would be a goat gigolo. The humans were going to rent out this very prolific goat to a gentleman with a herd of does in a different town who needed a prolific buck like Sweethorn.


Sweethorn will be off getting 'fresh' with a new herd and when he comes home he will have a new throne where he will get to visit his harem, occasionally instead of constantly. The humans will be happy to bring him hay and ambrosia (sweet feed) regularly as well as his (not exponentially growing) harem. Then it will truly be a happily ever after for the goat gigolo of the Redneck Ranch.


And on to the writing part of my blog for this week! Though I may not be writing as many words as I like, I am writing every single day. I actually am hoping to come in under deadline for Book 1. The editing job is going completely on track and will be done on time.

The new cover for Book 1 is done and all revisions are complete! Tonight the blog is just about the ranch. ;) The newsletter tomorrow will cover a bit about our Christmas shopping adventures as well as my makeover. So if you haven't already signed up make sure you do!


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